Being Irish, the saddest day in a parent’s life is when your Lamb trots off to school for the first time :’( - Imgur
THIS HASN’T CROSSED MY DASH IN WEEKS
THIS HASN’T CROSSED MY DASH IN MONTHS! WHY HASN’T IT CROSSED IT IN MONTHS?
The thing that sucks about mental illness is that if you aren’t depressed enough, suicidal enough, bad enough, nobody cares. Nobody cares until you reach their standard, and that standard is when your problem is bad enough to effect them
The amount of people who can relate to this makes me equally incredibly sad and immensely angry
Don’t watch this if you’re soaked in gasoline because it will warm your heart and you will burn to death and die.
i think i just broke my face from smiling so hard
I love you (￣▽￣)
I’m like dying on the inside. Wow. Omg.
so i went on the american apparel site today
looking at the socks
here’s one of the pictures for men’s socks
seriously i’m not one to complain about sexism much but i just looked on this site and??
THE FUCK IS THIS???
also BAGS AND WALLEtS???
????????????????????? I DON’T FUCKING GET IT????
"gendered marketing doesn’t exist!! shut up femenazi"
So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.
OMG ITS BACK
This shit needs to be published.
This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.
aRE YOU KIDDING YOU MISSED THE BEST ONE
I love Cat Shaming attempts because it’s always clear from their expressions they a) give zero fucks what you think and b) totally intend to reoffend.
Bats illuminated by lightning
THIS IS WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE.
This is actually really cool
Some are dark skinned
Some are light skinned
Some are big and some are small
Some look ‘complete’ and other might not be quite there
But no matter what
If you put them together
And blend them up
They taste pretty darn good
I’m getting you professional help.
My dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow
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